Current Mood in Quotes

I just wanted to share some of the quotes that I recently found online and on social media. They have really spoken to me, so thank you to the wonderfully talented lyricists, poets, and other artists that penned them. My own thoughts or addings-on will be displayed below each quote. I may do a series of these posts, because my mood can change pretty easily, or this may be a one time blog post. Either way, enjoy. -K.Sometimes we do things we’re not proud of. Sometimes we do things we know we shouldn’t. Sometimes we don’t even know why we do things. Sometimes shit just happens. And it sucks. And there’s pain on top of pain, on top of pain….so much so that your heart feels like it’s crushed. And you’re hurting. And so you use whatever vice you’ve always known to make it all a blur. Only it doesn’t help…it simply makes it worse. And so the hurt is back, tenfold this time. And time again. And sometimes we ignore that little voice inside our heads. Sometimes we don’t listen to that “intuition.” Sometimes we pretend we don’t feel that knot in our stomach or that fast best of our heart. Sometimes we choose the wrong things, the wrong people, the wrong path. Sometimes, our biggest enemy is ourself. And sometimes, that can be the hardest pill to swallow. But sometimes, we can lose parts of ourselves in those wrong people, places, or things. Sometimes, those memories come back to haunt us instead of being us joy. Sometimes those people wreck our lives instead of help. Sometimes, that path becomes riddled with darkness and despair, instead of the seemingly idyllic road it once was. Sometimes, all this stuff can throw us for a loop and turn our world upside down. And it can be scary letting go of all you know, even if what you knew wasn’t good for you. And sometimes, in this time of change, we can feel stuck. Stuck inside our minds or doubts. Trapped by our emotions. Or even in limbo…caught in between what we were and what we are, and of course, what we’d like to be….or rather, who we’d like to be. And sometimes, we forget that we’re allowed to evolve. To grow. To change. To be. Or to become. Sometimes I think we, myself included, forget that we don’t have to have it all figured out or have it wrapped up in one shiny bow. Life’s not like that…no matter how much I’d (or you…or we) like it to be sometimes. Sometimes I think I’m scared to really get to know myself; there might be things I wish I didn’t have to unearth. But other times, I’m excited to continue to discover things about myself. Like what I can do or how I can be. And yes, I know that life is one big mess of good moments and bad ones, but I’m usually jumping from one extreme to the next on the journey. And sometimes I want this part to slow down a little, just enough so that I can breathe and feel free. Just for a moment to revel in the possibility. Sometimes when I look back over this first half of the year, I get a glimpse of what I’ve accomplished thus far. But other times, all I can see are the mistakes I have made or the bad decisions that I’ve done. And the latter can be a bit (okay, a lot) disheartening. But you know what? Sometimes I also have little sparks of energy and passion and power. And I need to run with those more. Express myself more in those moments. Live more for those moments. Penning this post is a good step in the right direction. Being honest with myself and putting distance between myself and the things that no longer serve me is another one. You know, sometimes I think what we also forget is that our worst days are only 24 hours. And the sun will come up again. And so we can try again. To be better. To do better. Hell, even in the next moment, we can begin again. We don’t have to wait until the darkness creeps in or the sun streaks through our windows. We can start to improve right now. Sometimes I feel like I don’t trust myself enough. I also feel like sometimes (okay, recently most of the time) I don’t listen to my heart enough. I know that I know what’s good for me. I know that I know what’s not. And yet somehow, the opinions of others or societal standards get in the way. And sometimes I just want to break down those damn walls I put up and scream at the top of my lungs: “I KNOW MY TRUTH. I KNOW WHO I AM AND I KNOW MY STORY.” I want to own my story. And own up to my mistakes. And own my worth, you know? Take my power back. Be the person I know has been hiding behind the drinks and the binges and the dark makeup and all the other shit I’ve put myself through.

Hiding and hindering myself.

Raw & real: this is me.

I know that I am better than that. I know that I deserve more than that. Sometimes I think that the reason I like taking so many pictures and having so many of them on my social media is so I can literally document those happy moments like the quote says above. Although, I have been known to document my not-so-happy moments too. I guess it’s a double edged sword, or two way street, or whatever the hell saying means that “it goes both ways” essentially. I don’t like remembering the unsavory, the imperfect. I’d rather remember the good times and the genuine, full of fun, laughter and smiles. I’ll take the real over the fake, please. I think I’ve just let the real me fall away for a little while too long. But I’m slowly bringing her back, stronger than ever. And if there’s one thing you take away from this, let it be the reminder above. You’re trying, and that is always, always enough.

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[REVIEW]: Kylie Cosmetics Products!

I’m sitting here on this fine Wednesday afternoon, and I thought to myself: “Why not do another beauty review?” I’ve collected quite a few Kylie Cosmetics products over the last couple of years, so I figured why not break down the ones I have and share them with you! Plus, you can see if you have any of these ones, or maybe it will give you new ideas of ones to get! Happy reading! -K. LIP KITSPosie-K_SWATCH_77627b17-48a8-43ab-82a6-03daf91b0434

  • Posie K – one of Kylie’s first releases (and award winning lip product!) – this color is the perfect nude pinky shade. Looks wonderful with a wide range of eyeshadow looks and skin tones.
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  • Mary Jo K – the true blue red shade is the greatest red matte lip I’ve owned thus far. It always looks impeccable with winged liner for that old Hollywood glam vibe.
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  • June Bug – a surprisingly wearable purple…it’s a vibrant violet shade with the tiniest hint of of bright pink. I love it paired with a taupey eye or more cool toned shadows.
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  • Libra – I’ll admit, when I first ordered this color on the BOGO sale and tried it on, I was like “what the heck did I do?” – but I wore it out last Friday to my birthday lunch with my grandma and it looked super gorgeous. I bet it’ll look even better with a smoked out liner or gunmetal eyes….but it looked perfect with my gold smokey eye. I was happily surprised and will definitely be reaching for it again!
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  • Head Over Heels – my sister just got me this for my birthday on Sunday, and I’m actually wearing it today at work. It’s a perfect deep plum color, and it’s almost a little bit on the mauve side, which makes it really unique. I’m wearing it today with minimal eye makeup, but I also wanna try it out with some peachy shades to contrast nicely with the purple tone.
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  • Party Girl – this shade screams summertime! It’s a bright, almost neon coral shade, which will look great with a tan! Cannot wait to try this out this summer! Thanks to my mom for getting it for me for my birthday!

GLOSSES

  • Like – a dark nude gloss that’s perfect on its own or for layering overtop lip colors to make them darker or more of a tan-nude color.
  • Glitz – a super glittery light peachy nude gloss that adds the perfect amount of sparkle to any lip color!
  • Posie K – the prettiest rosy toned pink (and obviously looks great overtop the ‘Posie K’ liquid lipstick).

MINIS Gorg

  • Gorg – a deep burgundy (or wine-ish) colored shade. Reminds me of fall or anytime you want a deep, darker or more dramatic look!
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  • All Nighter – Kylie actually just recently released this as a full size lip kit. It’s a bright reddish toned coral shade, which is great for the spring and summer months.
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  • Angel – I believe this is the shade I wore in March to a country music concert I went to. It’s a light nude color, and looks great matte or with that ‘Glitz’ gloss I mentioned earlier!
  • (August) Bug – same as June Bug, which is described above in the first section!
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  • Baby Girl – This is the perfect muted coral shade….so like a watered down “All Nighter” – making it great for just a smidge of an orangey toned shade on the lips…or paired with a golden or coppery eye.
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  • One Wish – described on the Kylie Cosmetics site as a “dusty pink nude” it definitely is a medium toned pink with a little bit of a darker rose finish. Another great one to add to your rotation of neutral lip colors.

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  • Kyliner in “Black” – what I liked about this one was how long it lasted. Though my black pencil liner did loosen up towards the end of its run, that gel liner was the most pigmented black gel liner I’ve ever used. And it came with a brush, so that was really nice too!

HIGHLIGHT AND BRONZING DUO Kylie-Vacation-SkinnyDipDuo-Swatch

  • Skinny Dip Face Duo – this set is a matte tan bronzer with a shimmery golden highlight. I’m definitely taking this one on vacation (which makes sense since it was a part of her vacation collection)! I’m excited about it because it’s super sleek and easy for travel!

Alright guys — those are (I think, anyway….gimme a break, I’m going off memory here) all my Kylie Cosmetics products! Hope you enjoyed reading this!

Beauty Review: All About Eyeshadow Palettes!

Hi everyone! Long time, no (fun) blog post! I’m back with a beauty one, and I decided it might be fun to take a look at the eyeshadow palettes I currently own and do a little review on them.


 

TOO FACED CHOCOLATE GOLD PALETTE

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What it is: an eyeshadow palette featuring metallics and matte neutrals, all made with real gold and the signature chocolate scent.

Pros: lovely metallic color range and super smooth mattes. Plus – a smooth, creamy, dark matte black (perfect for smoking out eyeliner).

Cons: can’t use traditional brush for metallics, you need a precise, flat stiff brush to get that packed-on, full shimmer look. But, once you get that brush, they’re a breeze to work with!

Standout shades: Drippin’ Diamonds, Decadent, Old Money, Classy N’ Sassy & Chocolate Gold.

 

 

URBAN DECAY VICE 3

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What it is: another installment of Urban Decay’s popular “Vice” palettes, featuring new eyeshadow shades exclusive to that palette, as well as some from past palettes or fan favorites in general.

Pros: Wide variety of colors, plus satin and matte finishes.

Cons: Wish there was a matte black in the palette, and sometimes the matte navy blue doesn’t show up as true as it looks in the pan. Other than that, I do enjoy this palette a lot!

Standout shades: Bondage, Lucky, Sonic, Alchemy, Alien & Freeze.

 

 

URBAN DECAY NAKED 1 & 2

 

What they are: Urban Decay’s first two eyeshadow palettes released under the “Naked” brand. 1 features more goldens, while 2 is a cooler toned palette.

Pros (for both): Wonderful shimmers and blendable mattes. Great color range too!

Cons (for both): I kind of wish (sometimes anyhow) that the 1 came with a matte black shade. And I also wish that the 2 didn’t just repeat the ‘Half Baked’ shadow from the first.

I honestly need to use these a little more. I’ve been so into my Too Faced palette with their metallics that I forgot about Urban Decay’s pretty golden tones and sparkly cool ones.

Standout Shades (in both): Half Baked, Sidecar, Smog, Darkhorse, Creep, Blackout, YDK, Verve and Tease.

 

 

URBAN DECAY SMOKY PALETTE

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What it is: a smokier version of the Naked 2 (mostly) palette, with a couple darker golden tones similar to the Naked 1 ones.

Pros: I love how the grey tones pass a little blue-ish at times, especially the darkest shade (black market). And don’t even get me started on how stellar the mattes are in this palette. So good.

Cons: Again, I wish there was a true matte black in the palette. That’s what I originally thought ‘Black Market’ was. I also wish ‘Combust’ would come off more peachy like it is in the pan…sometimes it turns a little greyish on my eyes when I use it as a transition shade.

Standout shades: High, Armor, Smolder, Password, Whiskey and Thirteen.

 

 

URBAN DECAY NAKED BASICS (1)

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What it is: A perfectly sized matte palette, ranging from light to dark mattes for all blending and shadow needs.

Pros: The size is the coolest thing ever — perfect for travelling and other on-the-go needs.

Cons: Since I already have Foxy in the Naked 2, I kinda wish they did like a peachy matte or a pinky-toned matte. But, the Naked Basics 2 has that covered.

Standout shades: WOS (Walk of Shame) and Naked 2.

 

 

MAYBELLINE THE NUDES 

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What it is: A drugstore dupe for the Naked 1 palette from UD.

Pros: The shimmers are true to their color and the matte black is great for a drugstore palette.

Cons: There’s some fallout in the shadows (not on the eyes, but like the palette itself can get kinda messy). Plus the little brush in there is not ideal for application.

Standout shades: the matte black, the two shimmer taupe-y shades, the coppery bronze and the light gold (there aren’t shade names like the high end palettes have…but when you see it, you’ll know what I mean).

*All images are not my own. Credits to original owner(s). 


Honestly, I love all these palettes. I don’t know if I could pick a favorite. They really are wonderful, and the cons aren’t even that big of a deal, just my personal preference (gotta have that matte black shade, people!) — and so don’t think I’m bashing the palettes or hate them, because obviously I do not. I love these palettes and the brands that make them. I just figured there’s no pros without a little bit of a con, right…it’s all about balancing it out. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this mini review from me. Happy Friday! -K.

 

The Dating Game

 I wanna go back
I just wish you were the same again
When days didn’t have names and being in love wasn’t made up of games
When being in love wasn’t made up of games.” – All We Have Again, Megan & Liz.

A lot of people think dating’s a big game, and that whenever you get who you’re after, you’ve somehow “won.” I don’t want to play this “dating game” anymore. I realized that I’m done with the artificial, the fakeness, the half-assed compliments and late night “I miss you” musings. I feel like all that shit makes things like dating, relationships, and love so freaking complicated. And I don’t think it should be.

Remember when you were younger and you liked a boy? Well, you’d maybe pass a note to him or, if you were a brave elementary or middle schooler, you’d go up to them and tell them you like them. And if you were “dating” it was that someone tied a string around your finger or made you a matching bracelet or stick on tattoo. Oh, those were the days. (I’m kidding, just a little anyway).

But, in all honesty, I wish we could uncomplicate things a little. Instead of being sneaky and making up all this BS, why can’t we just be honest with people about how we feel? And what happened to meeting people spontaneously, or through “a friend of a friend who knows a friend”? Why can’t “just talking” mean just that….and why does everyone have to hookup with everyone else? I’ve written before about not being a fan of the “Netflix and Chill” situation; but I’m also not a fan of the whole online dating world either. I tried it….again and again I’m reminded of why it’s just not for me. I need the actual connection with someone….that initial “spark” if you will. I want the first dates: with the jitters, the butterflies, and the slight awkwardness. I want the serious relationship: the one with mutual respect and love for one another. I want all the things that I used to dream of as a little girl believing in fairytales. And while yes, I know that a lot of people in my generation are doing the whole online dating or casual hookup/friends with benefits scenario(s), it’s just not my scene.

I mean, what’s up with all these rules we’re (girls…and I’m sure there are some rules for guys too?) supposed to follow? Like waiting 3 hours or 3 days to text them back. Or that we’re supposed to “be busy” all the time, but maybe try to “fit them in our schedule” so we seem more in demand than we actually are. And let’s not forget, guys are supposed to call and text first *insert eye roll emoji here.* Why can’t we just make it easy on ourselves…if you like someone, let them know. All these games and special “dating rules” need to be broken. Sure, there’s playing hard to get…but that’s a whole different story then just flat-out being a player, you know what I mean?

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I guess I can’t say for sure that I won’t try online dating down the line…because maybe in a year or so, I’d be ready for that step. But for right now, in this moment of my life, I’m so not interested. As for being “casual?” Nope, no way. I’m the complete opposite. And no, I can’t say for sure what’ll happen later in my life, but I know that good things will come to me when I’m ready for them. And I still need to be more in-tune with myself before I let another person in. That’s just me, though. All the stuff that I mentioned above might be perfect for others. And if it is, well to each their own. I’ll let Brooke Davis sum it all up:

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Maybe for you, it’s more complex than that. But for me, that’s really all I want. The rest can happen from there, you know? -K.

 

 

 

Why We Keep Going Back to Bad Things.

A friend of mine compared a fuckboy to a McDonald’s drive-thru endeavor: you know it’s bad for you, but you dive head-first into it regardless. It feels absolutely delicious and satisfying in the moment, but has the polar opposite affect on you the next morning. You roll over in bed, look at what you settled for in a moment of impulse and feel disgusting. No matter if its a takeout bag pooling with fryer grease or the silhouette of a boy, the feeling in the pit of your stomach is much the same.” – Katy Bellotte, from Why We Care About Boys Who Don’t Care.

We’ve all done it.

Messed up. Screwed up. Fucked up – you name it. “We’re human; we’re supposed to make mistakes” – or at least, that’s how the saying goes. But what about repeating the same mistake? Or screwing up over and over again? Why do we go back to what hurt us? Why do we keep doing what we know we don’t really want to?

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The answer? It’s a habit. It’s literally ingrained in our brains. Well, depending on what “pathways” you have. If you’re lost, not to worry, I’ll explain (I did take various psychology courses in college for my minor):

See, we all develop habits, and how we develop them matters. Our brains have neural pathways which are reinforced each time we do something. So, say you want to quit biting your nails. You’ll have to not bite them more often than you have bitten them if you want your brain to “get the memo.” Bad habits are built pretty much the same as good ones — repetition becomes second nature. So, the more you do something, the more your brain puts that ‘something’ into “default mode.” Then, whenever a new situation comes up, you may instantly revert to your old/bad habit.

There’s a war inside my head, show me just how bad can a good girl get? You’re a poison in my mind, need it all the time, a high I can’t forget. Is it physical? Or emotional? Either way, I’m out of control.” – Megan & Liz, Losing Myself.

These types of brainwaves, if you will, are part of the root in addictions or disorders. People use what they know…so if they know to cope with bad days by drinking, then that’s what they’ll do. And if they know it works (at least in the moment), then they have this knowledge that if they keep doing it, it’ll keep working for them. Plus, it’s much easier to use a bad habit than to create a new, good one. Like I said, we do what we know.

And if you’re wondering: well, what about that time I swore I wouldn’t; but I did anyway – there’s an answer for that too…at least in my personal experience.

There’s a reason why we “swear off” things, like carbs or fuckboys. We don’t want them in our lives because we can’t control ourselves around them (both with bread and boys, btw). But, when we say we can’t have something, we only want it more. So that can be why you impulsively dive headfirst into that big bag of chips or you text your ex for the thousandth time. You want it, and you feel like you need it now (because you’ve told yourself time after time that you’ll never get it again).

There’s also that little (okay, pretty major) thing called intuitionYou know, that voice inside your head; that “gut feeling” or reaction; that nagging in your heart. Those signs are always there, we just don’t always listen. When we don’t, it can lead to that regretful, walk of shame type of feeling. When you do listen to what’s inside, you end up making a smarter, more rational choice. You usually end up feeling better emotionally and/or physically.

All of this doesn’t mean you’ll never make the same mistake again. We are human, after all. But maybe now that you know a little bit more about why you’re so intrigued by things that aren’t good for you, you can make a more informed or wise decision whenever you come across another situation. So, the next time you wonder if you should try online dating after your terrible Tinder experience; or, you consider doing shots despite your massively painful hangover the last morning after — you can remind yourself of why you don’t like these things or why they didn’t benefit you. Try 1 drink instead of 6 if you want; or maybe try putting those chips into a small bowl instead of reaching into the party sized bag.

It’s gonna take some time to distance yourself from those habits that are so set in stone. Each time you make a better choice for yourself, you’re reminding your brain of that new path to follow. Best of luck navigating your choices, whatever they may be. -K.

 

 

Off Balance

Lost your balance on a tightrope; lost your mind trying to get it back.” – innocent, t.s.

It’s almost like I could feel myself spiraling down this week. It’s funny, one of the celebrities I follow on Instagram posted on Friday that her, her sister & her friends were all having a bad week. So then I didn’t feel so alone. But it still didn’t keep me from feeling out of control.

Yesterday I almost gave into my eating disorder. But I literally felt so guilty having just left my mom that I cried the whole way home. I didn’t binge, thank god. And I admitted the truth when I got home & pulled myself together for work yesterday.

And yet, I still feel kind of bad about yesterday. I didn’t eat regularly, which I’m assuming led me to overeat when we went out to dinner last night. I mean, I didn’t binge…at least I don’t think. But I definitely ate too much. Yeah, my body wasn’t happy with me.

At least this time I can pinpoint where the “out of control-ness” started. It was last weekend & it was after conversations w/my fam & friends. Which normally should make people feel better, right? But instead it got me thinking way too much about stupid things, which left me inside my own mind for way too long.

And last night, I thought that maybe if I tried one last thing to be like everyone else (see my last blog post for more on specifics), then these feelings of being the “odd one out” would dissipate.

[*what I thought I needed to look like; versus what I actually look like | aka: what I looked like hiding behind makeup vs. real me*]

I was wrong. Just like I was wrong last week when I tried tinder and bumble. I hated every second of that, just as much as I was uncomfortable with last night.

I guess I don’t really care if it’s the norm, or if it’s what everyone is doing or it’s not a big deal. It is to me. It does matter. Things like sex & all that stuff about experience or this and that about bodies..like good god, it’s all too much for me.

Yes, I’d like to be more comfortable in my own skin. But I want to do that on my own terms. I don’t want to sacrifice my morals or something that means a lot to me just so I can get ahead or be like my friends. I just can’t. Things like last night & last weekend proved to me that I shouldn’t put myself through a bunch of shit just to be like that. Not just in terms of relationships or sex; but like anything that I know I don’t like. Why put yourself through something you know is going to hurt you?

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I know I’m not perfect. I know I have sinned (religious) and made mistakes (life); but I know that my religion doesn’t expect perfection; it’s supposed to be something that guides me and gives me hope. I want to remember that as I navigate through these more complicated issues and I want to hopefully break this little cycle of being “good” [read: pure or like, innocent] versus being “bad” [making any little mistake].

I’m human. Sometimes we get off balance or off track. What’s important is that I remember the things that keep me grounded & keep me strong. I know deep down in my heart who I am and what I really want. And I don’t want to sacrifice it for anything or anybody anymore.

Truth Teller

It’s okay to mess up. It’s okay to not be where everyone else is. It’s okay to try things just because you were being stupid or you wanted to fit in or you wanted this person to like you.

Sometimes we lie to people, even those closest to us, about things because we were feeling bad, embarrassed or lame. Sometimes we feel super insecure. Or like we’re playing catch up in the game of life.

It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to tell the truth. It’s okay to come clean and learn from your mistakes.

I’m learning that I don’t want to lie to people about stupid stuff. I don’t want to be ashamed of what I’ve done (or rather, haven’t done). I’d rather wonder what if than live with regrets. I don’t want to make personal, important decisions based off of “what’s cool” or what others are doing. I want to be the one to wholeheartedly decide.

I don’t want to apologize for being a good person. I don’t want to be embarrassed about being nervous or anxious or feeling a little young at heart.

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And the one thing to note here is that I’ve learned from what I’ve done in the past. And I don’t wanna go back there and I don’t wanna make those same mistakes again.

I want to be able to talk and be honest. Like yes, I am freaked out by thunderstorms. And no, I don’t enjoy alcohol. And nope, I’m not into the whole hookup or party scene.

Does anybody miss that?Holding hands in the cinema,
Dreaming ’cause I’m missing ya. I wish that we could take it back to how it was like…
What happened to that old school love? What’s up with the new school rush?
Guess I’m living in the past.
I still like it like that.
I can’t keep up, up.”

-“Old School Love”, Megan & Liz ❤️🎶

 

I want to move forward. I want to get out of the darkness that’s started to cover me. I want to go toward the light. To focus more on the good and less of the bad. I know I don’t have to be perfect; but I want to not beat myself up over every little thing either.

I just want to continue to feel okay and continue to make better choices for myself. And I want that to be enough. ❤️