It was sunsets that
taught me that beauty
sometimes only lasts
for a couple of moments,
and it was sunrises that
showed me that all it
takes is patience to
experience it all over
– A.J. Lawless, “Patience”
As I woke up this morning, I looked out at the sun, shining ever so brightly through my window.
The curtains never fully closed last night. Nothing is ever really fully closed off, if you think about it. Not people, that’s for sure. You can hide all you want, but what you’re really wanting is to be found.
Even though you’re engulfed by darkness, what you really crave is the light.
And what I’ve noticed, at least about myself is: the more I push away, the more what I’m really trying to say is “I need [you] [this] [whatever it is]”
And the further I fell away from what I love, the more I wanted it back. The more distant I grew from myself, the closer I wanted to hold it to my heart.
Because it hurts to lose yourself. The pain is unbearable when you’re hurting. And it’s my own fault mostly…you know, I choose these things and keep going back around to my vices. Those demons haunt me, like ghosts of who I was.
But I’ve also noticed that I have a choice in those pivotal moments. And in the past I’ve chosen to let myself succumb to the pressures. And I’ve given into my bad habits.
But what if I too, acted like a sunset. Where I was able to stop myself from losing the beauty, or at least, try and preserve those good moments?
Or a sunrise is perhaps a better metaphor. For I want to get that beauty back even after it’s faded. Because much like the sunset, the day does end and time does go on. And I can put those mistakes or bad thoughts away and let them pass through me like waves.
I can let them wash over me and not drown. Instead tread the waters of my mind. And let myself learn something from it all.
Then once the morning comes, much like the sunrise, I can see the beauty all over again. The light. The positivity.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
We fall, we rise, we repeat. We do this continually, just like the sun continues to set and rise again each morning.
And I think I like that idea a lot. ✨